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Xmas Fail

Updated: Apr 25, 2022

By Susan Poulin as Ida LeClair

Author Ida LeClair

Charlie and me had a nice, quiet Christmas, just the two of us. (As a cashier down to the A&P, I’m on the front lines, so no socializing with loved ones inside for me.) Yes, it was kind of lonesome, but we zoomed with my sister Irene and her family and my dad down to Mahoosuc Green. That helped. We took a long walk with Scamp on the 24th. I cooked us a nice roast pork dinner with homemade applesauce, twice baked potatoes with sour cream and bacon, a green bean bake and a pineapple upside down cake for dessert. Yum!

It poured on Christmas day, just like on Thanksgiving. So, 2020, right? But hey, it was a triple-pork-day with pork pie for breakfast and leftovers for supper: roast pork and bacon. Don’t get much better than that!

I texted friends and let them know I was thinking about them. I read a Regency Romance. Don’t judge. It takes your mind off things and it’s comfortably predictable. That’s what I’m craving about now.

And we spread the gift giving throughout the day. We just give each other little things. To be honest, Charlie doesn’t always know what he gave me. They just magically appear under the tree. I act surprised when I unwrap ‘em even though I bought ‘em.

Now, I know Charlie pretty well, and he loved all the things I got him: new snowmobile gloves, a Hickory Farms gift box, a roto-rooter type thing for getting rid of nose hair, a subscription to Field and Stream. One gift, however, was an epic fail. In my defense, it was an impulse buy, but apparently not a good one.

I’ll let Charlie tell you about it.

Pom-Pom Hat

Ida found it at the Fair This hat she thought that I would wear With big, bright colors, each a stripe They were not my biggest gripe What really makes this hat a flop: Pom-pom, sitting right on top

Now I’m a man of many hats But I will not be seen in that I’ve worn odd ones, that I’ll grant ya: Santa’s hat, when I play Santa Fireman’s hat to volunteer (I don’t care how I appear) I’ll give most any hat a try But I’m no pom-pom kind of guy

My wool one’s good for blowin’ snow And ball caps when I’m on the go Got one for when the Sox are playin’ (I like the logo I’m displayin’) Orange hat, it shows up good When I’m out hunting in the wood But you will never catch me dead With some pom-pom on my head

You know that bunny slope in town? I think they’ve got a lost and found That is where this hat’ll go Some young skier, I just know, Will put that on and look, I hope, Like he’s not some kind of dope She was nice to give me that

But I won’t wear no pom-pom hat

Good to know that even after forty-plus years of marriage, I can still learn something new about my husband.

That’s it for now. Catch you in 2021!

Writer and performer Susan Poulin is the author of The Sweet Life and Finding Your Inner Moose: Ida LeClair's Guide to Livin' the Good Life, as well as ten plays, five of which feature her alter ego, Ida LeClair. She also writes a blog, with posts like this one, on her website!

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